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Australian Definition of a Canadian -Written by an Australian Dentist in response to an ad found in a Pakistan Newspaper advertising a “Reward for killing a Canadian-any Canadian...”.

“A Canadian can be English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. A Canadian can be Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, Arab, Pakistani or Afghan. A Canadian may also be a Cree, Métis, Mohawk, Blackfoot, Sioux, or one of the many other tribes known as native Canadians. A Canadians religious beliefs range from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or none. In fact, there are more Muslims in Canada than in Afghanistan. The key difference is that in Canada they are free to worship as each of them chooses. Whether they have a Religion or no religion, each Canadian ultimately answers only to God, Not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

A Canadian lives in one of the most prosperous lands in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms which recognize the right of each person to the pursuit of happiness. A Canadian is generous and Canadians have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, ever asking a thing in return.

Canadians welcome the best of everything, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services and the best minds. But they also welcome the least - the oppressed, the outcast and the rejected. These are the people who built Canada.

You can try to kill a Canadian if you must as other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world have tried but in doing so you could just be killing a relative or a neighbor. This is because Canadians are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, can be a Canadian.”






COMMON SOLDIER

He was getting old and paunchy
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion,
Telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.
And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew where of he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For ol' Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Soldier died today.
He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife.
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
'Tho a Soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories
From the time that they were young
But the passing of a Soldier
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?
The politician's stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.
While the ordinary Soldier,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension, small.
It's so easy to forget them,
For it is so many times
That our Bobs and Jims and Johnnys,
Went to battle, but we know, if you read between the lines.

It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Soldier--
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier,
Who would fight until the end.
He was just a common Soldier,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simply headline
In the paper that might say:
"OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING,
A SOLDIER DIED TODAY."



My Personal Ode to Alcoholism

The circus, the funhouse, and the amusement park all at once. Yes, sounds like lots of fun!

That's what it feels like to spend a lot of time with a special person that you care for who also happens to be afflicted with chronic alcoholism. What a blast at first. Until the roller coaster starts to pick up too much speed. The peaks are mighty fine but the valleys seem to get lower and lower as the ride propels you along. Add a sensation of walking a tightrope like a trapeze artist always having to watch his step. Toss in the house of mirrors where everything is distorted and you have a hard time recognizing yourself. Next is the human pretzel act cuz at times that's how you'll feel. Then comes the clown - being in ridiculous situations where you must still pretend to be enjoying yourself eventhough on the inside you feel so sad. Sometimes you feel like the lion being chased by the tamer. You don't want to be caged up but he keeps whipping you to get into that cage or perform this trick or that trick. There are also times when you feel like the Ringmaster. You have things to say but you need a bugle to be heard because nobody's listening to you - they're just interested in the next act to entertain them. After a while, you get tired of the cacophony of noises and the creepy craziness so you walk around looking for something more calm to do - less dizzying. You decide to investigate the carnival games one more time in case you could win that big prize that you've been eyeing. The prize sure is enticing but after a while you start to see that you've been spending way too much time and energy trying to win it. It's just a stuffed animal and there are so many around and in so many shapes and colours so why sweat it? You try to walk away but the gamester behind the counter keeps sweet-talking you to come back and now he's ready to throw in an additional prize - upping the ante. You wonder why the additional prize wasn't available from the get go - why he didn't display all of his wares before. Why is he holding out on you when you've been working so hard at winning the prize? You start to have an uneasy feeling - like maybe you're being had. You leave dejected and wonder why you ever wanted to go to the circus, the funhouse and the amusement park in the first place. You're not the only one dejected, it appears. As you exit the grounds you notice a lot of people walking warily out of the gates and into the parking lot. Some are vomiting - they overdid it. Even the gamester has finished his shift by now and in the harsh glaring lights of the parking lot, he also appears different. He's haggard. He looks beaten by life - like he's been at this game way too long. You feel for him but you know that you must return home. You cannot afford to worry about him or how he will get home because you must think of how you will get home yourself. You feel bad but in the end, the gamester's a pro at his game and he'll always come out ahead because he's deceiving you in many ways that you cannot see.

The circus, the funhouse, and the amusement park all at once. Yes, it sounds like so much fun!
Written by an Anonymous Listener


• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.

• A grandfather is a man &a grandmother is a lady!

• Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

• When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

• They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

• They don't say, "Hurry up."

• Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

• They wear glasses and funny underwear.

• They can take their teeth and gums out.

• Grandparents don't have to be smart.

• They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".

• When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

• Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

• They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

• A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

• GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog."

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